Balancing the worst choice

I went too deep into utility maxing for too long. I lost myself really, because my life became a spreadsheet and I missed the things that make me who I really am.

I noticed this most recently after I got into cycling, purely for utility purposes of avoiding traffic after Seattle opened the Alaskan Way bike lane. I was like “what’s the single bike that can do it all, isn’t expensive, gets me point A to B, and can do fun rides on weekends?”

Then I saw the “analog culture” of track bikes on YouTube and was like, “lol, really? fixed gear, no brakes?” and then, “oh wait this reminds me of film culture, but in bikes, kinda.”

Obviously the efficiency utility of point A to point B is worse. But there is utility elsewhere too. And that’s the part you can’t lose. If you optimize so hard for just utility in price or comfort or convenience, you lose a lot over time. “Vibes” may or may not be as important as solving the initial problem, but we gotta keep it in mind.

I got introduced to film photography in 12th grade and went hard with it for a few years (some shots on /photos). I got into the community, built the nice photography Instagram I always wanted, and then left film because “meh, too much work and my phone takes even better quality shots.” I did this in many parts of my life over the past 5 years and I lost myself. Some things I noticed:

• Learning things that I “should know” for jobs instead of what I like.
• Getting rid of my cameras, and no more film shooting.
• Most optimized bike for my exact need without a second thought.

But now I’m remembering where I messed up and that I shouldn’t keep doing this.

It’s happening everywhere too. Aggression against the humanities in colleges, or anything that doesn’t “have a return on investment.” But if we keep going down this road we lose so much of what makes culture and joy. The human touch and even innovation can come from sometimes taking the worst choice. By shooting the film camera instead of just the iPhone sometimes. Maybe even the medium or large format camera like some photographers.

The track bike on the city road and the film camera in modern day aren’t for optimal utility in “point A to point B” or “capturing an image efficiently.” And they are not supposed to be.

I think it’s ideal to optimize life for this, because many times, the suboptimal option brings us a lot more joy. For me, maybe an 80/20 optimal/suboptimal goal from now on. I think I’m going to pick the camera back up, I didn’t sell all of them yet :)